Instead, we looked at the human defects of these people, and sometimes used their shortcomings as a basis of wholesale condemnation. On through the years this conduct continues, accompanied by his continual promises to be careful or to keep off the streets altogether. You can help when no one else can. The focus is the Big Book; Muckers use no other text. You should be described to him as one of a fellowship who, as part of their own recovery, try to help others and who will be glad to talk to him if he cares to see you. His family was re- assembled, and he began to work as a salesman for the business he had lost through drinking. He came through an acquaintance who had heard the good news. I was at one time assistant manager of a corporation department employing sixty-six hundred men. We do not like the thought that the contents of a book or the work of another alcoholic has accomplished in a few weeks that for which we struggled for years. We have learned that whatever the human frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and direction to millions. If you do stay, let him steer the conversation in any direction he likes. Dont deal with him when he is very drunk, unless he is ugly and the family needs your help. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Instead, you will capitalize them. Simply click on a word and all references in the . Just be careful not to disagree in a resentful or critical spirit. Sometimes there are cases where alcoholism is complicated by other disorders. The problems of the community might engage attention. War fever ran high in the New England town to which we new, young officers All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented. (1939) The authorities were much concerned. Part 2: Chris Raymer, AA Big Book, CA speaker, talk about carrying the message to the addict that still suffers Hear renowned addiction speaker, Mark Houston from Texas, a recovered alcoholic/addict, speak on 12 step spirituality living in the spirit. But we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love. The first 164 pages of the Big Book is the outline for recovery, which constitute the "program" of recovery. Many doctors and psychiatrists agree with our conclusions. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. At one of the finals I was too drunk to think or write. In this way he was slyly carrying tales. They may not see why their love and devotion did not straighten him out. Im sorry I got disturbed. If he is already committed to an institution, but can convince you and your doctor that he means business, give him a chance to try our method, unless the doctor thinks his mental condition too abnormal or dangerous. and has helped such large numbers of alcoholic men and women to recover, 5-c. Has there been a desire to make any changes in it? This, the first translation of the core 164 pages of the Big Book, is written by a sober 12-year member of AA. Perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted and exaggerated. For years we have been working with alcoholics committed to institutions. He saw that he would have to face his problems squarely that God might give him mastery. They need your companionship and your help. To you, liquor is no real problem. The word God still aroused a certain antipathy. He may take small interest in the children and may show irritation when reproved for his delinquencies. Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well. These are basic learning books that creatively teach colors, numbers or simple, fun stories for bedtime. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. Suppose now that through you several families have adopted this way of life. Perhaps you are not quite in sympathy with the approach we suggest. But one of the friends said, "Put him in a private room. The doctor intimated strongly that he might be worse than he realized. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power. In a matter of fact way he told how two men had appeared in court, persuading the judge to suspend his commitment. The same principles which apply to husband number one should be practiced. My incredible behavior in the face of a desperate desire to stop was explained. Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism. Big Book, page 164. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. They grew in numbers. And with us, to drink is to die. Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness. Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions. The entire family is, to some extent, ill. Let families realize, as they start their journey, that all will not be fair weather. If you are a member of AA, and you work the steps outlined in the first 164 pages of the big book, you will recover! We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young people everywhere. You will be making it possible for him to be insincere. It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your own recovery. Second Edition of the Big Book. 6. True the word surrender is NOT in the first 164 pages of the Big Book - know why? We have seldom told them the whole truth nor have we followed their advice. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. In case he does stumble, even once, you will have to decide whether to let him go. We thought, on the whole, we were pretty good women, capable of being nicer if our husbands stopped drinking. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time! When it will serve any good purpose, we are willing to announce our convictions with tact and common sense. His drinking may be constant or it may be heavy only on certain occasions. Sometimes we sensed dimly that we were dealing with sick men. Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony? It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness. Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, and his religious leanings. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done. With it you can avert death and misery for them. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. Francisco Morato, Franco da Rocha, Indaiatuba, Itatiba, Itupeva, Jarinu, Joanpolis, Louveira, Morungaba, Telling them what we are trying to do, we make no bones about our drinking; they usually know it anyway, whether we think so or not. These things will come to pass naturally and in good time provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does. And just as we were being convinced of their heartlessness, they would surprise us with fresh resolves and new attentions. We stick to our own. If he had these qualities and did not drink would he be worth retaining? As a celebrated American statesman put it, Lets look at the record.. If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search our acquaintance for a close-mouthed, understanding friend. And with such good effect that the doctor agreed to a test among his patients and certain other alcoholics from a clinic which he attends. That was in June, 1935. For did we not believe in our own reasoning? They are questions for each individual to settle for himself. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. Here is a modern version of the fourth chapter, originally called We Agnostics. Francisco Morato, Franco da Rocha, Indaiatuba, Itatiba, Itupeva, Jarinu, Joanpolis, Louveira, Morungaba, I have a shadowy recollection of being in an airplane bound for New York and of finding a friendly taxicab driver at the landing field instead of my wife. Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. And now you know that he can stop if he will! We have been unselfish and self- sacrificing. For a few days he was depressed about his condition. It hadnt even come to mind. How Many "Musts" are there in the first 164 pages of the Big Book. But he will be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well. If possible express a lack of hard feeling toward him. The story of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism. I would not jump. The emphasis is on the first 89 pages of the Book, which have not been altered since originally published in 1939. Whatever the method, its object is to thoroughly clear mind and body of the effects of alcohol. I was always in a ward before., Said one of the visitors, Were giving you a treatment for alcoholism., Hopelessness was written large on the mans face as he replied, Oh, but thats no use. May you find Him now! He has just returned from a three-months leave of absence, has taken a cure, looks fine, and to clinch the matter, the board of directors told him this was his last chance., The only answer I could make was that if the man followed the usual pattern, he would go on a bigger bust than ever. We dont worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. These juniors are often in a difficult position. Pg. She will want to know who the woman is and where she is. Even when you understand the malady better, you may feel this feeling rising. if no word is received by its October 19 meeting. We have been hysterical. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. The papers reported men jumping to death from the towers of High Finance. When dealing with an alcoholic, there may be a natural annoyance that a man could be so weak, stupid and irresponsible. A pivotal decision was made in '95: "The first 164 pages of the Big Book, the Forwards, 'The Doctor's Opinion,' 'Doctor Bob's Nightmare,' and the Appendices [will] remain the same," which was not reversed during Advisory Actions in '97, '98, '99, and 2000, leading up to publication of the 4th Edition of the Big Book in 2001. Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums-we could increase the list ad infinitum. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! I had commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. After your man has gone along without drinking for a few months, you may be able to make use of his services with other employees who are giving you the alcoholic run- around-provided, of course, they are willing to have a third party in the picture. When sober, father usually obeyed. Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. Many who once were in this class are now among our members. Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. Some chapters are devoted to specific audiences, and others are more general in nature. There is talk about spiritual matters morning, noon and night. She sees she was wrong to make a burning issue out of such a matter when his more serious ailments were being rapidly cured. But in most fields our generation has witnessed complete liberation of our thinking. He said he was perfectly willing to go to jail if she insisted. (10) Softcover Study Editions Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book First 164 (NEW) $ 105.00 $ 85.00. Some of you are thinking: Yes, what you tell us is true, but it doesnt fully apply. Select the book genre. Your house is filled with strangers. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. They want him to make a fuss over them. In the prize ring, this would be called leading with the chin. He would phone a clergyman. In this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices when we might have observed that many spiritually-minded persons of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness and usefulness which we should have sought ourselves. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. Perhaps you have a husband who is at large, but who should be committed. He admitted he was overdoing these things, but frankly said that he was not ready to stop. Especially when he has before him a way to stop his drinking and abuse if he really wants to pay the price. If your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human understanding, you have perhaps made a friend. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated. Our loyalty and the desire that our husbands hold up their heads and be like other men have begotten all sorts of predicaments. Surprise us with fresh resolves and new attentions 89 pages of the will power involved the... Version of the Big Book in case he does stumble, even once, you have. Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair to pass this on to him plays vital!, & quot ; Put him in a resentful or critical spirit of condemnation., there may be heavy only on certain occasions originally published in.! 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